| I almost forgot to post today. |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|11:21 pm] |
#20
During anal, they had a great notion,
To lube up his asshole with lotion.
But it's alcohol base,
Burned his rectum like mace,
Resulting in heinous commotion.
#21
Around me, please don't dance or jump.
For you are not just pleasingly plump.
And gourmand that I am,
It reminds me of ham,
When I look at your hideous rump.
#22
Though wildly sought out by chicks,
His cock measured not half of six.
When asked whys and hows,
He tongued his eyebrows,
and parted his hair in two licks.
#23
A toddler's precocious farts,
Caused gagging and stopping of hearts.
His odd rectal thunders,
Got government funders,
From the National Endowment for Arts.
#24
A grizzled and lonely gravedigger,
Used to fart with cacophonous vigor,
With gas that smelled very,
Much like disentary
plus a whiff of a corpse way past rigor.
#25
Pat Robertson thinks he's the boss,
For beating his bible and cross.
Though Jesus may love you,
I'd much rather shove you,
Down a mineshaft and write off the loss.
#26
When I lay down to sleep every night,
I toss and I turn and I fight,
Irresistible urges,
To sing Scottish dirges.
Is it me, or is something not right. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|09:45 am] |
I saw a series of Mars photos today and I immediately imagined them as fabrics. Thought it would be KEWL to sew a Mars outfit. I see it in something like Tencel, layered, loose and flowing. Can one screenprint on Tencel?
<http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/11/martian_landscapes.html>
I don't do fabric printing and I'm still trying to deal with a multi-year backlog of incomplete sewing projects. But I want to share this. Perhaps someone here will be interested. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|05:50 am] |
#19
When I'm cruising at my favorite bar,
I don't see a boy from afar,
And think, "Ooh! We'll talk history,
Art, music and mystery."
But, "Will he have sex in my car?"
#20
A pretty and amiable chap,
Has just had a seat in my lap.
Phobic friends will say, "Gross!"
"He's gone homotose!"
Fallen victim to the Guinness Fly Trap.
#21
A bro will try hard to impress you,
Talk sweetly and softly caress you.
And then when he thinks,
You've had enough drinks,
To pass out, he will try to undress you.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|03:59 pm] |
#18
Though jacking off seems like great fun,
You'll go blind if you don't stop it, son!
I believe you, It's bad!'
'Cause I'm OVER HERE, DAD!
There is no line five for this one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|03:49 pm] |
#16
I made me a set of pipe drones,
From graveyard selected thigh bones.
When I played I was daunted,
For the bagpipes were haunted,
And only played wails and groans.
#17
A clever old farmer named Mark
Studied physics, and once for a lark,
Rigged up an old tractor,
with a fission reactor,
and now his crops glow in the dark.
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| And Deeper and Sicker We Go |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|04:19 pm] |
#9
And deeper and sicker we go,
To topics that you shouldn't know.
If you're actually nice,
And not filled with vice,
You'll find these the lowest of low.
#10
He gave me some glorious head,
but spoke what he ought not have said.
In a fit of fierce ire,
I set him on fire.
Regrettably, now he is dead.
#11
Head to toe Abercrombie and Fitch,
And prancing about like a bitch,
He looked for a top,
At a highway rest stop.
They found his cold corpse in a ditch.
#12
It is open. Don't bother to knock.
Walk right in here and I'll suck your cock.
And that was the gist,
Of his ad on Craigslist.
His wife found it and died from the shock.
#13
He sneaks into ladies room stalls,
Drops trousers and fondles his balls,
and listens with glee
as old women pee.
He's banned now from six shopping malls.
#14
While fing'ring her cavernous twat,
She climaxed and out of her shot,
A flood of cunt drool,
That formed in a pool,
With the colour and texture of snot.
#15
I cannot begin to describe,
The antics of my little tribe.
We drink for our leisure,
And lounge for our pleasure,
And giggle the more we imbibe.
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| Send suggestions! |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|06:21 am] |
#8
He wanted tattooed a taint panda
Said the artist, "It'll cost ya five granda"
But soon he had tired,
of the art he'd required,
and rubbed it off with a belt sanda.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|01:29 am] |
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Just thought I'd say hi from the tattoo chair. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|12:03 am] |
#5
There'll be kissing and petting and chewing
There'll be sucking and boinking and screwing
But the thing that's not best
'bout a gothic sex fest
is the barking and oinking and mooing
#6
'Round a pitcher, they're guzzling beer swill,
But the piper's had more than his fill
He stood back for breath
but belched lamby death.
Poor Mustafa was taken quite ill.
#7
The kin of the dearly departed
Sat with eyes that back and forth darted.
But the funeral staff
had to stifle a laugh.
For the man in the casket just farted.
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| Okay, its not just one per day |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|04:49 pm] |
For Sam's suggestion of queef and beef
#3
An oversexed woman from Leeds,
While tending to vaginal needs,
Cracked a thunderous queef
Like the mooing of beef,
And shot out misplaced anal beads.
#4
To his Saviour he hopes she will carry,
The prayers addressed: Virgin Mary
That grace will be just,
in curbing the lust,
that leads him to act like a fairy.
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| #2 |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|06:37 am] |
While preparing my garden for seeding,
I had to accomplish some weeding.
'Wished my pants had been thicker
ere I sat on a picker.
And now, my poor buttocks are bleeding.
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| November is Limerick Month |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|08:21 pm] |
Well for me at least. I've decided to try to post at least one limerick per day. If you'd like to get in on the fun, reply with three words of one or two syllables that rhyme and I'll try to incorporate them into a future offering.
#1
Said the judge, "You have acted with malice
When you fashioned a barbed wire phallus,
Shoved it up your man's bum,
When he started to cum,
you pulled forward now making him Alice.
If you'd like to get in on the fun,
Send three words of two or of one,
Syllables long,
and rhyming like song.
For a poem for me to have done
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| well it's halloween again... |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | somatics - who's stopping ya! killer | ] |
and i was actually excited to go out and do something. that lasted about an hour. now i just don't care.
what the hell happened? why is halloween not fun anymore? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|06:36 pm] |
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Do you ever watch White House Press Sec. Robert Gibbs and wonder when he's going to say, "I'm a P.C."? |
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